It has been five days since we learned that Donald Trump is our new president-elect.  It has taken me this long to form the words to express why this gutted me like it did.

I’ve been told I’m a sensitive person…overly sensitive sometimes.  I’ve been told I’m an idealist and naive.  I know I tend to feel things more deeply than other people do sometimes, and the things that I feel strongly about affect me greatly and if I didn’t HAVE to get up every single day and take care of my family, I think I might be one of those people who stays in bed her jammies for days on end while trying to digest some terrible news.

Let me say first, before anyone says that I “voted with my vagina”, that I voted for Bernie. When Bernie dropped out, I decided that Hillary was the next best choice.  I felt that Hillary was an intelligent, capable, experienced PERSON who was our best choice for the job of leader of the free world.  I felt that the email thing was not something that should keep her out of the White House and that it was blown out of proportion by the media. Yes, she is a politician, and politician’s are inherently dishonest to an extent…but at least she is a politician with experience in government and law.  The fact that she was a woman was icing on the cake.  It did think it would be amazing to have our first female president. These are MY feelings on why I felt Hillary was the best choice.  I know many people disagree and I don’t naively hope to persuade anyone to see my point of view.

As the election was nearing an end I became more and more excited about the prospect of having a female president.  What an amazing thing for our young girls to see that a woman really can be anything she wants!  I’m a child of the 70’s and I was told as a girl that a woman would never be president because they are “too emotional”.  I began to feel a sense of sisterhood with other women who were rooting for us to have our first female president.

When I woke up Wednesday morning and saw that Donald Trump was our new president-elect, I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach and the tears just came and came and came.  I honestly wasn’t sure why I was taking it so hard and that little voice in my head said, “What’s with the drama, mama?!”.  But, I was hurt.  I thought, “not only is the US not ready to have a capable and intelligent woman lead our country, they have elected a misogynistic man who has vocally expressed his disdain for women, bragged about grabbing their privates, bragged about being unfaithful to his wife and rated women based on their appearances, among other things.”  This was like adding insult to injury.  Instead of women getting ahead, we could possibly be taking two steps back.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m a white middle class woman, and for that reason, many would consider me priviledged.   I’ve never faced REAL adversity.  But, I HAVE faced sexism and sexual harassment.  I was raised to not talk about religion or politics in public, but I’m done with being polite about it and not expressing my opinions for fear of being judged. I’m through with not demanding to be treated equally as a woman.  I will take this disappointment and channel it into something useful because that is the right thing to do and much more productive than staying in bed in my jammies for days on end.